Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
