i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
