apparently the secret to your success is patron
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
