that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just cropdusted the office
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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