before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
