am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
