I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
