You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
