I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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