sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
