Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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