morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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