And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
