He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
