Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize