Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
