I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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