my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Alive.
So much puke
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
