dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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