No period for spring break; use this wisely.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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