I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
