he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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