I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
