I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
