If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
