bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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