your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
