sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
