I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
