My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Someone came in the potted fern
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
