I can feel you judging me through the phone.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
