i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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