her vagine was all disorganized.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
