Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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