you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
