he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
