But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Randomize
