Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
