Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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