There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
