So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
