i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
