I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Randomize
