in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
