dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
