How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize