I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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