so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Drake has all the answers
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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