2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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