is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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