Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
