plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
