Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize