Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
And then he peed in my hair
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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