His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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