I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
