Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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