Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
