I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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