is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
