i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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