i don't like sucking hair
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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