You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
