I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
