man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
