My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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