You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
