Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(712): View more from Iowa

Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast

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(206): View more from Washington

I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.

(1-206): View more from Washington

You are nothing if not reliable.

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(253): View more from Washington

Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand

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(360): View more from Washington

Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick

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(631): View more from New York

I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"

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(480): View more from Arizona

I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now

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