fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
tell me about the eggs
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
