My first STD was from a foam party
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i think my cat just said my name.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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