You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He shit in the fireplace
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
