All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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