Bisexual people are plain selfish.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
