I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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