First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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