As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
