I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
