im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
