So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
