Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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