bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
