Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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