um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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