WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
