i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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