singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
