I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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