just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
