oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
