Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
this beer tastes like vomit already
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize