eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
