the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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