Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
