Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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