Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
time to smoke my breakfast
it's like heaven, but drunker
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
