Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
