I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize