does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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